i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
