i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
