yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize