so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
