That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
