Can i not drive my cunt home
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
