roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
