sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
