i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
