And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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