Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
