where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
