At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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