Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I still have a little drunk in my system
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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