Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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