I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
