So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
