You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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