The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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