Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
