You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
