OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
