My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
