I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
