I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
