Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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