Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
