I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
