i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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