I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
