Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
