Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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