He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
