8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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