you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I am one with the molecules
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
