she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
