Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
