hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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