If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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