I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
