Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
