I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
