If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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