no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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