Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
