I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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