Umm I'm too high to move.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
