saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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