It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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