Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
