i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
