it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
