i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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