So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
