Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
