Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
