I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
