So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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