Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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