my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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