There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
