By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
