I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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