I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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