and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My vagina just recognized that song.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
