Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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