I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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