Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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