im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
