Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
