well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize