I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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