I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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