Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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