When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
