If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
