Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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