If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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