things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
