yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
