I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Also, beer. Big fan.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
