I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Holy sore nipples Batman
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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