Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
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