Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
