That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize