Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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