6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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