So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
