Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
