The maid of honor just puked.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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