I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
