if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
