I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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