I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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