Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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