dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
