I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize