i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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