i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i may or may not be watching the land before time
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
