Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
