I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
