Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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