return my video game
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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