I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
