forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
