i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
