oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I am spending my child support on dildos
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
