just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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