I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
