You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
